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Title: The emptiness inside me
Author: Lunschen
Beta: hughville, Thank you so much Laura!!!
Rating: M
Pairings: Hameron (mentions of House/Cuddy, Cameron/Chase)
Summary: Cameron feels empty inside. Can she be saved?
Author note: Chapter 5
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Chapter 5
There she was standing in the middle of the room and smiling in the middle of a group of young male doctors. Of course she would draw the most attention and House could understand why. Hell he was only a man but she was more than a woman. She looked like a goddess - at least from far away. Did Cuddy really think she could compete with her? Never.
House wanted - no needed- to take a better look at her and moved slowly closer. He wanted to study her a little bit more without her seeing him. So he went to a small table not far away from her and from there he could see her much better. But he didn´t like what he saw. He was shocked. He blinked and focused again. This couldn´t be true; it just couldn´t.
This wasn´t HIS Cameron; she didn´t seem like Cameron at all. What the hell happened?
His Cameron was never this skinny. His Cameron never looked this depressed and lost. His Cameron had shiny hair and beautiful eyes. His Cameron wasn´t a shell she was a strong and confident woman.
Time seemed to stand still. House was still standing at the table, one hand holding his cane so tightly that his fingers were turning white and the other grasping his drink. He didn´t know and didn´t care how long he was standing there and staring at her. He just couldn´t keep his eyes off her and the wheels in his head were spinning like mad. What the hell happened?
Cameron felt like screaming out loud. She couldn´t take the idiots surrounding her much longer. The damned drugs seemed to have faded away and they took her good mood with them. She was aching for the next shot so badly that it hurt. But how could she get away when surrounded by a dozen men who all had just one desire: getting into her pants? That was nothing new there. She was used to that fact. Bad luck for them because she wasn´t able to feel any kind of desire, except for drugs of course.
Keep smiling and nodding, Allison, she reminded herself over and over again. She had to be strong, just for another hour or so. She just couldn´t give up, at least not today. How embarrassing would it be to freak out in front of these idiots? No, not here and not today.
And then, out of nowhere, she felt it or rather she felt HIM. Her smile faded immediately and her eyes widened in pure horror. Cameron couldn´t keep her hands from shaking. She felt like she was spinning. It was all too much but she did everything she could to keep herself as calm as possible.
Oh god, Allison, stop this. This can´t be true. Damn, great moment for another hallucination.
She tried to convince herself that this was just a hallucination. It wasn’t like she hadn’t had them before. She really should get used to them. They haunted her whenever the cocaine stopped working. Mostly she could control herself somehow but sometimes the images inside her head were stronger. Once Cameron believed she saw House in her office with a smirk on his face. The other day she saw him in the mirror, grinning and telling her how naive she was, how stupid to believe he could ever love her. She cried the whole night on the bathroom floor, pleading with an invisible House to save her.
Sometimes she thought Chase was standing at her door, trying to make her his punching bag again. Fortunately she was too high to open her window then because otherwise she would have jumped in sheer panic.
Cameron had to get out before this feeling got stronger. It was too dangerous to lose her nerve now. She needed another shot - NOW! Fuck the risk of getting caught. She excused herself and went straight to the bathroom not even bothering to look around when a cane got in her way and she felt her body stiffen.
She stood there, frozen, and it felt like a lifetime. Cameron didn´t even dare look up. Instead she felt her panic rise with every moment that passed. Was he real or was this all a hallucination? She tried to gain control over her body again but it didn´t work. There was no alternative left. She had to look up.
Ever so slowly she raised her eyes letting them roam over his tux clad body until she looked into those wonderful ocean blue eyes and then it hit her. This was really House; her former boss and the man haunting her dreams. The person she longed for most but at the same time the man she was scared to see again.
Dead blue green eyes met deep ocean blue eyes and the world seemed to stand still for a moment. This moment was pure bliss and horror at the same time; although House would never ever admit the bliss part.
"House,” she said her voice just a whisper.
"Yep, the one and only! I know I have an effect on women but I never left a woman speechless with admiration for that long. You haven´t changed a bit when it comes to me."
His smug grin bought her to reality again. This was definitely not a hallucination. Keep yourself together, Cameron. Be strong for once!
"Speechless with admiration? You wish. It´s more like shocked to death you know. I never thought I would see you at a fundraiser. A bar or strip club maybe; but here? I see Cuddy trained you well."
Yep, that´s it, Ally!
"Jealous much?"
"Hell no! By the way you really should go and find her again. Wouldn´t want you to cause trouble in paradise."
She hated herself for saying that but she had to get rid of him as fast as possible. Her body was screaming for the next shot and she didn´t know how long she could keep a straight face.
"Ah, Cameron, you´re as caring as always. But don´t worry about Cuddy. I made a really good deal. Exchanged her, you know. Got a cow, two chickens and a cereal bar instead. A really, really good deal if you ask me."
He faked a proud expression and Cameron couldn´t help but giggle. She really missed this; their little conversations, his jokes. Hell she missed the whole package but there was no future for them. She knew it and her smile began to fade.
*Congratulations. Have fun with your cow. It was so nice to see you again but I really have to go. Goodbye House!"
She was about to turn around and storm away when she felt his hand capturing her wrist to prevent her escape. She couldn´t help but gasp when she felt his strong and warm hand.
"House, what are you doing? Please let me go!" Her voice was getting higher now. This was not good. She had to get away from him - Now.
His eyes never left her, roaming over her body and trying to memorize everything.
"Already begging? You´re so easy. Haven´t you mentioned bars and strip clubs before? Come on Cammie! Don´t be such a killjoy! You love me, remember? Let´s get out here and get ourselves drunk somewhere. You know, drinking, talking about the good old times until you confess your undying love for me. Wouldn´t that be funny? At least for me it would be."
Oh my god I haven´t said that, have I? Shit I can´t let her go like that - I mean I can´t let her go before solving the puzzle.
Cameron´s body started to tremble now and all control was gone. How dare he? She tried to escape his grip but she was too weak - nothing new.
"Fuck you, House! I don´t love you. If you must know, I hate you! I really do and if you don´t let me go I will scream. I promise I will." She tried to keep her voice low and steady but failed completely.
Now she looked even more lost than before. Her body was shaking, her eyes filled with tears and pleaded with him to let her go.
House was beyond shocked. He felt his grip on her wrist loosening and for the first time in a very, very long time he was sorry for what he said.
"Cameron, I..." But it was too late. Cameron was already gone, her trembling body trying to get out of the room as fast as possible.
House stood there, staring after the mess that was once Cameron, when realization hit him - suddenly and mercilessly.
Author: Lunschen
Beta: hughville, Thank you so much Laura!!!
Rating: M
Pairings: Hameron (mentions of House/Cuddy, Cameron/Chase)
Summary: Cameron feels empty inside. Can she be saved?
Author note: Chapter 5
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Chapter 5
There she was standing in the middle of the room and smiling in the middle of a group of young male doctors. Of course she would draw the most attention and House could understand why. Hell he was only a man but she was more than a woman. She looked like a goddess - at least from far away. Did Cuddy really think she could compete with her? Never.
House wanted - no needed- to take a better look at her and moved slowly closer. He wanted to study her a little bit more without her seeing him. So he went to a small table not far away from her and from there he could see her much better. But he didn´t like what he saw. He was shocked. He blinked and focused again. This couldn´t be true; it just couldn´t.
This wasn´t HIS Cameron; she didn´t seem like Cameron at all. What the hell happened?
His Cameron was never this skinny. His Cameron never looked this depressed and lost. His Cameron had shiny hair and beautiful eyes. His Cameron wasn´t a shell she was a strong and confident woman.
Time seemed to stand still. House was still standing at the table, one hand holding his cane so tightly that his fingers were turning white and the other grasping his drink. He didn´t know and didn´t care how long he was standing there and staring at her. He just couldn´t keep his eyes off her and the wheels in his head were spinning like mad. What the hell happened?
Cameron felt like screaming out loud. She couldn´t take the idiots surrounding her much longer. The damned drugs seemed to have faded away and they took her good mood with them. She was aching for the next shot so badly that it hurt. But how could she get away when surrounded by a dozen men who all had just one desire: getting into her pants? That was nothing new there. She was used to that fact. Bad luck for them because she wasn´t able to feel any kind of desire, except for drugs of course.
Keep smiling and nodding, Allison, she reminded herself over and over again. She had to be strong, just for another hour or so. She just couldn´t give up, at least not today. How embarrassing would it be to freak out in front of these idiots? No, not here and not today.
And then, out of nowhere, she felt it or rather she felt HIM. Her smile faded immediately and her eyes widened in pure horror. Cameron couldn´t keep her hands from shaking. She felt like she was spinning. It was all too much but she did everything she could to keep herself as calm as possible.
Oh god, Allison, stop this. This can´t be true. Damn, great moment for another hallucination.
She tried to convince herself that this was just a hallucination. It wasn’t like she hadn’t had them before. She really should get used to them. They haunted her whenever the cocaine stopped working. Mostly she could control herself somehow but sometimes the images inside her head were stronger. Once Cameron believed she saw House in her office with a smirk on his face. The other day she saw him in the mirror, grinning and telling her how naive she was, how stupid to believe he could ever love her. She cried the whole night on the bathroom floor, pleading with an invisible House to save her.
Sometimes she thought Chase was standing at her door, trying to make her his punching bag again. Fortunately she was too high to open her window then because otherwise she would have jumped in sheer panic.
Cameron had to get out before this feeling got stronger. It was too dangerous to lose her nerve now. She needed another shot - NOW! Fuck the risk of getting caught. She excused herself and went straight to the bathroom not even bothering to look around when a cane got in her way and she felt her body stiffen.
She stood there, frozen, and it felt like a lifetime. Cameron didn´t even dare look up. Instead she felt her panic rise with every moment that passed. Was he real or was this all a hallucination? She tried to gain control over her body again but it didn´t work. There was no alternative left. She had to look up.
Ever so slowly she raised her eyes letting them roam over his tux clad body until she looked into those wonderful ocean blue eyes and then it hit her. This was really House; her former boss and the man haunting her dreams. The person she longed for most but at the same time the man she was scared to see again.
Dead blue green eyes met deep ocean blue eyes and the world seemed to stand still for a moment. This moment was pure bliss and horror at the same time; although House would never ever admit the bliss part.
"House,” she said her voice just a whisper.
"Yep, the one and only! I know I have an effect on women but I never left a woman speechless with admiration for that long. You haven´t changed a bit when it comes to me."
His smug grin bought her to reality again. This was definitely not a hallucination. Keep yourself together, Cameron. Be strong for once!
"Speechless with admiration? You wish. It´s more like shocked to death you know. I never thought I would see you at a fundraiser. A bar or strip club maybe; but here? I see Cuddy trained you well."
Yep, that´s it, Ally!
"Jealous much?"
"Hell no! By the way you really should go and find her again. Wouldn´t want you to cause trouble in paradise."
She hated herself for saying that but she had to get rid of him as fast as possible. Her body was screaming for the next shot and she didn´t know how long she could keep a straight face.
"Ah, Cameron, you´re as caring as always. But don´t worry about Cuddy. I made a really good deal. Exchanged her, you know. Got a cow, two chickens and a cereal bar instead. A really, really good deal if you ask me."
He faked a proud expression and Cameron couldn´t help but giggle. She really missed this; their little conversations, his jokes. Hell she missed the whole package but there was no future for them. She knew it and her smile began to fade.
*Congratulations. Have fun with your cow. It was so nice to see you again but I really have to go. Goodbye House!"
She was about to turn around and storm away when she felt his hand capturing her wrist to prevent her escape. She couldn´t help but gasp when she felt his strong and warm hand.
"House, what are you doing? Please let me go!" Her voice was getting higher now. This was not good. She had to get away from him - Now.
His eyes never left her, roaming over her body and trying to memorize everything.
"Already begging? You´re so easy. Haven´t you mentioned bars and strip clubs before? Come on Cammie! Don´t be such a killjoy! You love me, remember? Let´s get out here and get ourselves drunk somewhere. You know, drinking, talking about the good old times until you confess your undying love for me. Wouldn´t that be funny? At least for me it would be."
Oh my god I haven´t said that, have I? Shit I can´t let her go like that - I mean I can´t let her go before solving the puzzle.
Cameron´s body started to tremble now and all control was gone. How dare he? She tried to escape his grip but she was too weak - nothing new.
"Fuck you, House! I don´t love you. If you must know, I hate you! I really do and if you don´t let me go I will scream. I promise I will." She tried to keep her voice low and steady but failed completely.
Now she looked even more lost than before. Her body was shaking, her eyes filled with tears and pleaded with him to let her go.
House was beyond shocked. He felt his grip on her wrist loosening and for the first time in a very, very long time he was sorry for what he said.
"Cameron, I..." But it was too late. Cameron was already gone, her trembling body trying to get out of the room as fast as possible.
House stood there, staring after the mess that was once Cameron, when realization hit him - suddenly and mercilessly.