lunschen: (Default)
[personal profile] lunschen
Title: The emptiness inside me
Author: Lunschen
Beta: hughville, thank you so much Laura for your wonderful and fast work!!!
Rating: M
Pairings: Hameron (mentions of House/Cuddy, Cameron/Chase)
Author note: Chapter 13
Disclaimer: I own nothing! Honestly. Sadly.

Started in December and finally finished - YAY!

After House ate his favorite cereal, he dressed quickly and went straight to Cameron´s apartment. A part of him refused to believe that she really tried to kill herself. He didn´t know why but he wanted to believe it was an accident yet he knew that his Cameron wasn´t that stupid. To put his mind at ease, House went to look around her apartment, just like his team did with patients. Knowing Cam so well, he found her spare key immediately and opened the door, eager to see what lay behind it.

He always imagined Cameron’s apartment as orderly and neat with subtle but elegant furniture. The reality was very different. On her dining table were several syringes, some new and some obviously used ones. He found cocaine nearby. Two half full bottles of alcohol were standing on the floor. Making his way to the kitchen, he found it neat and it was obvious she rarely used it. The fridge was almost empty, containing only some apples, salad and two bottles of wine. Realizing he’d seen enough, House just wanted to go away, far away. He felt like fleeing from the knowledge that everything Wilson said was really true. As he reached the front door, a piece of paper caught his eye; Cameron´s goodbye letter.

The route to Mayfield had never been longer although House knew it by heart. This was the third time this week he drove this route.

The last two times he found himself standing before the front door, unable to find the strength to enter. It was all too much. He found himself thinking about the first time he stood there. At least he had a choice in the beginning. He wanted to be there because of his Vicodin addiction, but that was all. He knew how it felt to be forced to stay. Of course he had a choice; no work and no diagnostic puzzles to solve if he left without further treatment. For him, that wasn’t really a choice. When he was released he had something waiting for him, his work. But what was waiting for Cameron? Nothing and no-one, that’s what. The possibility of being there for her scared him to death. So he went back to the car and drove back, feeling slightly better but nonetheless like a stupid coward. But when night came, he just couldn´t stop thinking about her and he felt even more cowardly then. Cameron and her stupid goodbye letter wouldn’t stop haunting him. He would never forget her written words. Her declaration of love scared him. House never expected that. He was sure that she was over him, that she never really loved him at all, perhaps had a crush on him, but never loved him.

But this time, the third drive would be the last one and to prevent himself from fleeing again, he came prepared.
First of all, he took a month of vacation time, telling Cuddy that he needed some time to think about his life and everything. He had enough vacation time from last year and so that wasn´t really a problem. The only thing he had to promise her was to help if a very difficult case came in. The hope in Cuddy´s eyes made him sick because he would never forget what she did to Cameron. Now was not the time for revenge, though. That would come later.

House left the hospital without a word to Wilson and wasn´t in the mood to speak to him any time soon. House was used to being betrayed but when it came from his best friend, it just hurt too much.

Deep inside he knew that Wilson hadn’t meant to hurt Cameron or him. After all, House´s voicemail was filled with his apologies and he knew that Wilson meant everything he said. House could hear the sincerity in his voice. Several times his best friend told him that he thought that Mayfield could help Cameron like it helped House. He told House that sometimes you have to force somebody to heal. He kept explaining about how conflicted he’d been and how worried he’d been about House. Wilson cared deeply for his friend and during that uncertain time he wanted to believe Cuddy when she told him that House needed peace and some space to cope with his problems. Wilson really had worried that Cam´s problems would be too much for him. After all, he’d seen the softness and pride in House´s eyes when they talked about „his girl“ and he thought maybe Cameron could cope without him and so Wilson could spare him a lot of pain. In the end, though, Wilson couldn´t ignore the voices in his heart telling him that Cuddy was fooling him and that she never really cared about House or Cameron. Hell, sometimes she didn´t even care enough for her own daughter. The voices became louder and louder each day until Wilson could no longer ignore them and he stopped fooling himself.

In addition to that, House knew, better than Wilson himself, that his best and only friend developed a crush on Cuddy a long time ago although he would never admit it. Nonetheless, House was hurt.

After leaving the hospital, he went to his apartment and started to pack everything he needed for the next month. Taking his bag to his car, he started out and after half an hour he reached his destination, Greenhills.

Greenhills was a town thirty minutes away from Princeton. It was very small, quiet and peaceful, the perfect place to hide from the stressful, dirty and loud world around. The town was situated on a large hill above Princeton. The land there was overgrown but nonetheless very beautiful. The town contained only few small shops, a bakery, a cozy bistro and it seemed that time had passed by this quaint place.

Nobody but his mother knew about House´s bungalow near the forest in Greenhills. He bought it several years ago when he felt the need to be anonymous and alone. The bungalow had enough space for two people, was decorated simply but was very comfortable. Instead of a flowery garden, House had a small forest with a lake behind the house. A really breathtaking place; perfect for some time to recover.

„House, this is really not the right place and time for jokes. I need to know if I can trust you with this. So I’ll ask you again. Why do you want to take Dr. Cameron with you?“

Nolan became more frustrated with every minute that passed. Although he had been a psychiatrist for many years, Gregory House always managed to surprise and shock him. This time, he had no idea what to think about this situation.

Nolan wasn´t the only one getting frustrated. Moving around in his chair, House just couldn´t come up with the right answer. Maybe he should leave and forget about everything. It would be the easiest way but wouldn´t that make him a coward?

Sighing loudly, House looked deeply into Nolan´s eyes, searching for an answer. It was too late to run or limp away.

„Honestly, I don´t even know why I am here. I hate the feeling knowing that Cameron´s here. It´s unfair and I just can´t let Cuddy win this fight,“ he said.

„This isn´t about winning a war or stroking your ego, House!“ Nolan told him sternly.

„I know that. But I don´t want her here. You know I can help her. I have to admit that I am not really the kindest person but Cameron was always good at dealing with me. After all she called for me when she needed help. I won´t make false promises. You have to trust me here.“

Nolan watched House closely the whole time. He could see determination in his eyes and something else, something new he never saw there before. Even after many sessions with House, Cameron was still a mystery to Nolan. He knew about Wilson, Cuddy and even about House´s parents but when it came to this young and beautiful doctor, House just wouldn´t tell him much. She had a special place in his life that was certain. It seemed like she had gotten far too close to House although he would never admit it. Every time her name was mentioned, his eyes seemed to soften even though his words remained hard as stone. It was a difficult decision but Nolan really needed to make a decision now.

„Listen, House, I am only human and right now I don´t really know the right thing to do. All I know is that you´re a very important person for Cameron. She called out for you a lot when she was detoxing but she´s a different person now. She’s even more broken and damaged. It was too much for her; too much happened and recovery won´t be easy. If you hurt her, it may kill her. You need to remember that; this isn´t a game anymore. So here´s my deal, you can talk to her but she decides whether she goes with you or not and you have to accept whatever she decides. You can visit her now and talk to her. Come back to see me when you’re done. Good luck, House, to both of you.“

Five minutes later House was on his way to Cameron´s room. His mind was racing and he thought that talking with Nolan had been the easiest part. Fear overwhelmed him as he stood in front of her door, ready to knock. Was he really doing the right thing or was this the beginning of the end? There was only one way to find out and it would begin with this knock.

Knock, knock...

Date: 28 February 2011 18:41 (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I could see how it would be hard for House to return to Mayfield. And he could have the best intentions, and yet fail miserably with Cameron, so I can see Nolan's doubts. It would be so easy for House to hurt her.

But somehow, I think he'll be able to help her more than anyone expects, even House.


Date: 1 March 2011 13:23 (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
If House can´t help her, nobody can´t. House has to be careful because Cameron is so vulnerable right now. Let´s see if he can do this.

Date: 28 February 2011 19:43 (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh I'm so curious how Cameron will react to him being there and picking her up! I love how determined House is to save her, I just hope he's careful not to hurt her, she's so vulnerable right now. But I know, he's the only one being able to help her.

Date: 1 March 2011 13:25 (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Well, I am curious about the House - Cameron conversation, too ^^ Let´s see what my brain will do *g*

Date: 29 April 2011 05:33 (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
OMG!of the all the things I could imagine, your decision to go down that path is really very exciting ...
I think House can connect well with Cameron and at the same time help yourself.
They're perfect for each other and they will know help each other.
Please say you will not make us suffer for a long time .... pleaaaase!


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April 2011

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