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23 July 2010 13:30![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lunschenTitle: The emptiness inside me
Author: Lunschen
Beta: hughville, Thank you so much Laura!!!
Rating: M
Pairings: Hameron (mentions of House/Cuddy, Cameron/Chase)
Summary: Cameron feels empty inside. Can she be saved?
Author note: My first story
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Chapter 1
Here she sat, alone and lost in her thoughts. Her costume fit her perfectly. Every curve of her perfect body clad in awesome black velvet. What more could a girl want? She was beautiful and successful at the same time. Being Dean of medicine and hospital administrator at the age of 31 wasn´t bad (ok it was unbelievably good even though it was just a small hospital near Princeton; not as big and famous as the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital but who cares?). She really should be happy but she couldn´t be or wasn´t able to be anymore. Being successful, beautiful and rich didn’t bring happiness; for a less damaged person maybe but not for Allison Cameron.
When she started working here she wanted- no needed- a distraction. Her life with Chase was the biggest mistake ever. After she went to Chicago he followed her and begged for forgiveness. Every day he stood in front of her building; bringing food, flowers, showering her with the attention she needed so badly and promising to make it all better. All he wanted was a second chance. She should have known better - she should have known HIM better. But one night she let him in - into her apartment, her bedroom and soon he was part of her life again. She didn´t even notice it at the beginning but she knew she needed it -him- needed to feel less lonely and more attractive; needed someone to fulfill her desires, her needs. It was okay, not wonderful, but okay. She was beyond believing that there´s a perfect love full of passion, rainbows and butterflies. It was good as it was.
But it couldn´t last forever - she knew this before. Chase couldn´t handle his murder. It haunted him. First in his sleep; then the thoughts of killing a man wouldn´t leave his head. One day he couldn´t take it anymore and began drinking again; first at night, then during work. They worked at the same hospital in Chicago. So Cameron did her work and his just to cover him. How stupid. She begged him to stop and one night she couldn´t take it anymore.
Chase was standing in the kitchen. Drunk. Again. Anger shone in his eyes when he saw her entering.
"Where have you been?" she whispered.
"Stop bothering me!"
"I can´t. Chase, I am worried. Please stop this. I can´t take it anymore. Please talk to me!"
"There´s nothing to talk about! Just shut up!" He turned and got himself a glass of Whiskey. How dare she talk to him like that? He couldn´t take it anymore - her niceness, her idealism and her strong ethical center. Seeing her standing there and looking hurt made it all worse. Why couldn´t she just leave him alone at this moment. WHY? It was too much. He didn´t even know how it happened but somehow he tossed the coffee maker across the room. The toaster and some glasses followed. He couldn´t think straight anymore; all he wanted was to destroy everything, to let the anger out and to scare her. He never noticed before but her scared face and the tears in her eyes satisfied him.
Thinking back brought tears to Cameron’s eyes. She had never felt so scared and lonely before. Of course he apologized, begged her for forgiveness with tears in his eyes and promised to stop drinking. He kept his promises, but only for ten days, They were forgotten when he tossed the dishes at her and called her names she would never forget and that haunted her since then. Maybe he was right about what he said. Maybe it was really all her fault...
He never begged for forgiveness after that and she didn´t even think about pretending to love him. In fact, she started to plan her escape. She just needed the right moment. Her baggage was hidden under her bed, waiting for the right moment. The day she left was the worst day she ever had with Chase. She came home late and she was tired. Instead of finding only a drunken Chase in the bedroom she found a drunken Chase and two hookers lying lazily on his naked chest; all of them grinning at her. What happened afterwards she couldn´t even remember exactly because of the shock she was in. She still heard Chase telling her that this was what he needed; being satisfied. Something he never got from her. She was too nice and too shy to really make a man happy in bed. Then there was laughter and her world went black. When she came to she saw that Chase was asleep. She didn´t even have to think twice. She grabbed her bags and fled into the darkness of the night away from darkness in her old apartment but still she couldn´t get rid of the darkness inside her heart.
The rest was history. Somehow she found herself near Princeton. She wouldn´t admit it but it was the only real home she had ever known. She didn´t plan on becoming Dean but maybe it was fate. Who knows; who cares. She got the job because of her work under House (what else?). Working under House means that nothing could scare you. She was also known for her talent in organization; the perfect mix. So here she is. Whether she wants to be or not.
"Dr. Cameron? Dr. Cameron? I am sorry to interrupt but..."
Cameron stared in the direction of the voice. She didn´t even notice how far away she had been. Standing there in the middle of the office was her secretary Agnes; a young and naive girl but beautiful none the less. A younger version of Cameron one could think.
"You´re not interrupting anything, Agnes. Sorry I was thinking. What can I do for you?" she smiled at the young girl.
"I just brought you lunch. I noticed you haven´t eaten anything. You know it´s not the first time this week and so I thought I’d bring you something. Please don´t get offended. I was just worried," Agnes said looking shyly at the floor. She was really worried.
"You shouldn´t have done it but it´s very nice. Thank you. You know all paper work makes me forget to eat. No need to worry!"
Agnes placed the salad on the desk and went back to work. Cameron looked at her meal. She didn´t even know what it was like to be hungry. Once when Chase got home, drunk of course, he found her sitting in front of the TV with ice cream. She can still see the disgust on his face. He looked in her face with those cold blue eyes and said: "You´re eating? Again? Do you want to get even fatter? Look at you! I want the thin and beautiful Allison back again! But instead I got you! No wonder we´re not sleeping together anymore! Why should I fuck someone like you????" With this he slammed the bedroom door and went to bed leaving her crying. Now she was thinner than ever because his words haunted her and since that event she ate just enough to survive. He was right. She really was disgusting and that´s why she took the salad and threw it in the trash bin near her desk. An apple would be enough; enough for her. She didn´t deserve more.
Sighing again she closed her eyes. She felt exhausted and powerless. She shouldn´t be thinking so much. She should forget and move on but she had no strength to do so. She had no strength left at all. Moving on doesn´t make any sense when you have no reason to do so...
Author: Lunschen
Beta: hughville, Thank you so much Laura!!!
Rating: M
Pairings: Hameron (mentions of House/Cuddy, Cameron/Chase)
Summary: Cameron feels empty inside. Can she be saved?
Author note: My first story
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Chapter 1
Here she sat, alone and lost in her thoughts. Her costume fit her perfectly. Every curve of her perfect body clad in awesome black velvet. What more could a girl want? She was beautiful and successful at the same time. Being Dean of medicine and hospital administrator at the age of 31 wasn´t bad (ok it was unbelievably good even though it was just a small hospital near Princeton; not as big and famous as the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital but who cares?). She really should be happy but she couldn´t be or wasn´t able to be anymore. Being successful, beautiful and rich didn’t bring happiness; for a less damaged person maybe but not for Allison Cameron.
When she started working here she wanted- no needed- a distraction. Her life with Chase was the biggest mistake ever. After she went to Chicago he followed her and begged for forgiveness. Every day he stood in front of her building; bringing food, flowers, showering her with the attention she needed so badly and promising to make it all better. All he wanted was a second chance. She should have known better - she should have known HIM better. But one night she let him in - into her apartment, her bedroom and soon he was part of her life again. She didn´t even notice it at the beginning but she knew she needed it -him- needed to feel less lonely and more attractive; needed someone to fulfill her desires, her needs. It was okay, not wonderful, but okay. She was beyond believing that there´s a perfect love full of passion, rainbows and butterflies. It was good as it was.
But it couldn´t last forever - she knew this before. Chase couldn´t handle his murder. It haunted him. First in his sleep; then the thoughts of killing a man wouldn´t leave his head. One day he couldn´t take it anymore and began drinking again; first at night, then during work. They worked at the same hospital in Chicago. So Cameron did her work and his just to cover him. How stupid. She begged him to stop and one night she couldn´t take it anymore.
Chase was standing in the kitchen. Drunk. Again. Anger shone in his eyes when he saw her entering.
"Where have you been?" she whispered.
"Stop bothering me!"
"I can´t. Chase, I am worried. Please stop this. I can´t take it anymore. Please talk to me!"
"There´s nothing to talk about! Just shut up!" He turned and got himself a glass of Whiskey. How dare she talk to him like that? He couldn´t take it anymore - her niceness, her idealism and her strong ethical center. Seeing her standing there and looking hurt made it all worse. Why couldn´t she just leave him alone at this moment. WHY? It was too much. He didn´t even know how it happened but somehow he tossed the coffee maker across the room. The toaster and some glasses followed. He couldn´t think straight anymore; all he wanted was to destroy everything, to let the anger out and to scare her. He never noticed before but her scared face and the tears in her eyes satisfied him.
Thinking back brought tears to Cameron’s eyes. She had never felt so scared and lonely before. Of course he apologized, begged her for forgiveness with tears in his eyes and promised to stop drinking. He kept his promises, but only for ten days, They were forgotten when he tossed the dishes at her and called her names she would never forget and that haunted her since then. Maybe he was right about what he said. Maybe it was really all her fault...
He never begged for forgiveness after that and she didn´t even think about pretending to love him. In fact, she started to plan her escape. She just needed the right moment. Her baggage was hidden under her bed, waiting for the right moment. The day she left was the worst day she ever had with Chase. She came home late and she was tired. Instead of finding only a drunken Chase in the bedroom she found a drunken Chase and two hookers lying lazily on his naked chest; all of them grinning at her. What happened afterwards she couldn´t even remember exactly because of the shock she was in. She still heard Chase telling her that this was what he needed; being satisfied. Something he never got from her. She was too nice and too shy to really make a man happy in bed. Then there was laughter and her world went black. When she came to she saw that Chase was asleep. She didn´t even have to think twice. She grabbed her bags and fled into the darkness of the night away from darkness in her old apartment but still she couldn´t get rid of the darkness inside her heart.
The rest was history. Somehow she found herself near Princeton. She wouldn´t admit it but it was the only real home she had ever known. She didn´t plan on becoming Dean but maybe it was fate. Who knows; who cares. She got the job because of her work under House (what else?). Working under House means that nothing could scare you. She was also known for her talent in organization; the perfect mix. So here she is. Whether she wants to be or not.
"Dr. Cameron? Dr. Cameron? I am sorry to interrupt but..."
Cameron stared in the direction of the voice. She didn´t even notice how far away she had been. Standing there in the middle of the office was her secretary Agnes; a young and naive girl but beautiful none the less. A younger version of Cameron one could think.
"You´re not interrupting anything, Agnes. Sorry I was thinking. What can I do for you?" she smiled at the young girl.
"I just brought you lunch. I noticed you haven´t eaten anything. You know it´s not the first time this week and so I thought I’d bring you something. Please don´t get offended. I was just worried," Agnes said looking shyly at the floor. She was really worried.
"You shouldn´t have done it but it´s very nice. Thank you. You know all paper work makes me forget to eat. No need to worry!"
Agnes placed the salad on the desk and went back to work. Cameron looked at her meal. She didn´t even know what it was like to be hungry. Once when Chase got home, drunk of course, he found her sitting in front of the TV with ice cream. She can still see the disgust on his face. He looked in her face with those cold blue eyes and said: "You´re eating? Again? Do you want to get even fatter? Look at you! I want the thin and beautiful Allison back again! But instead I got you! No wonder we´re not sleeping together anymore! Why should I fuck someone like you????" With this he slammed the bedroom door and went to bed leaving her crying. Now she was thinner than ever because his words haunted her and since that event she ate just enough to survive. He was right. She really was disgusting and that´s why she took the salad and threw it in the trash bin near her desk. An apple would be enough; enough for her. She didn´t deserve more.
Sighing again she closed her eyes. She felt exhausted and powerless. She shouldn´t be thinking so much. She should forget and move on but she had no strength to do so. She had no strength left at all. Moving on doesn´t make any sense when you have no reason to do so...
