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lunschenTitle: The emptiness inside me
Author: Lunschen
Beta: hughville, Thank you so much Laura!!!
Rating: M
Pairings: Hameron (mentions of House/Cuddy, Cameron/Chase)
Summary: Cameron feels empty inside. Can she be saved?
Author note: Chapter 3
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Chapter 3
Her misery developed slowly. First there were her sleeping pills. Nothing unusual when faced insomnia or so she said to herself, but it wasn´t enough. Of course she would feel better after a good night’s sleep but waking up after a very deep but short sleep wasn´t helping. Cameron’s body couldn´t get enough sleep or so it seemed. Waking up very early and going to work became utter horror. Her body was screaming for release and more sleep. But when running a hospital, time is money, and she couldn´t neglect her work because it was the only thing left in her life. So she tortured herself; a few hours of deep sleep (or was it coma?), hard work the whole day long with just enough food to stay alive (not that she was ever hungry). Free weekends became history; who needs them when you don’t have a private life anyway?
But one day sleeping pills weren´t enough; she needed more - more strength, more concentration to fulfill her work and less tiredness. She struggled with herself and thought of ways to make herself feel better but nothing helped. Cameron tried Yoga Meditation and Pilates (and never felt more stupid), read books about Yin and Yang (at least she thought it was funny but helpful?) and even went to courses in Reiki and Thai Chi (she chose the last one because it reminded her of Chai Latte which was definitely better). Nothing helped her find her inner peace or gave her some kind of strength.
Then one night it was too much for Allison Cameron. She couldn´t take it anymore - the pain inside her heart, her self-doubts, the fears haunting her since her break up with Chase and the weakness of her body. She wanted to feel happy again, to become the strong, beautiful and confident person she was before Chase. Before she could think twice she found herself in her hospital again; alone in a room filled with various kinds of illegal drugs, all confiscated and waiting to be destroyed. She stopped thinking in that moment. Deep inside her heart she knew it was wrong (you don´t have to be a doctor to know that) but she really didn´t care. She searched the shelves and found what she needed - pure cocaine. That was the beginning of Allison Cameron’s drug career.
Finally life was great again for Allison Cameron. She was more successful than ever. Her good mood was infectious. Everywhere she went she caught everyone’s attention. The stressed and tired Cameron changed into a happy and successful strong, independent woman or so it seemed.
She still couldn´t get a good night’s sleep but she didn´t care anymore. Who needed sleep when you could solve the problem of tiredness with a small injection? She knew it wasn´t right and healthy but she didn´t think about it anymore. Everything just felt too good.
Cameron felt like she was flying but she was very careful not to fly too high (at least not at work). So she was finally content with herself and her work. Every doctor was impressed by this new Dr. Cameron and she was receiving compliments all day long.
"Dr. Cameron, you look wonderful today."
"Dr. Cameron. Congratulations on your success yesterday at the meeting; we´re so happy to have you here."
Dr. Cameron here, Dr. Cameron there... It felt like a dream. No one noticed the real Cameron behind all that, her tired eyes behind the dark make up, her unhealthy slim body under the designer clothes and the despair deep inside her heart coming out whenever the drugs stopped working.
"I can´t believe it! That bitch!"
A very angry Cuddy stormed into House’s office.
He was sitting behind his desk playing a new PSP game. Without even looking he replied in a bored tone, "Yeah, I know. She´s really a bitchy bitch."
"I mean look at her! She looks like a whore in this dress! That’s so low!" Cuddy raged waving a medical magazine through the air.
"You would know," came the whispered reply.
"What?"
"I said I know. That´s so low."
House was getting distressed. Why can´t she just leave? Damn I lost again! Thank you so much.
Just at the right moment, Wilson stormed inside. "House I... Oh sorry. I hope I haven´t interrupted anything," he said while looking between a bored House and a fuming and almost screaming Cuddy.
"No, Jimmy, don´t worry! We were just talking about Cuddy’s mom and her new whorish outfit. You know she´s such a -"
"HOUSE!" Cuddy was really screaming now. "Why can´t you just be serious for a minute? I was talking about Cameron not my mom! You´ve got clinic duty NOW and you are so not getting any tonight!" Storming outside, she threw the magazine away.
"Great, House! You pissed her off again. Why can´t you just keep your mouth shut for once?"
"Why should I? It´s so much fun to piss her off! Not really difficult but funny. But now I have to take a look at this hot outfit Cameron is wearing. You know, remembering the good old times and all."
With this he dismissed Wilson and took the magazine. He didn´t have to search long until he found what he wanted. There was an article about a donation for Cameron’s hospital. House didn´t even bother to read it. Who cared about the damn money when you could look at the picture?
It showed a wide smiling Cameron wearing an elegant red suit. He couldn´t take his eyes away. This was HIS Cameron; the one with long brown hair falling in curls over her shoulders and wearing a perfectly fitted suit. There was nothing whorish about it. She was even more beautiful than before and he just couldn´t look away. Did she ever smile at him like that? Probably not. He never gave her a reason to do so.
But then he looked into her eyes and knew immediately that something was wrong. He knew those wonderful blue-green eyes but they looked so different. They were not shining and they seemed dead. Then he took a look at her body. House had known her body by heart. In those three years not one day passed by without him considering her. There was a time he knew every curve and every visible birth mark. But today he didn´t recognized that body anymore. The curves almost disappeared and she was slimmer than ever although she tried hard to hide it from everyone.
Something was very wrong and he promised himself to find out what it was even if that meant escorting Cuddy to the stupid fundraiser just to meet Cameron again. Not that he was concerned or something. No, he just was curious or so he told himself. She was nothing but a puzzle.
Author: Lunschen
Beta: hughville, Thank you so much Laura!!!
Rating: M
Pairings: Hameron (mentions of House/Cuddy, Cameron/Chase)
Summary: Cameron feels empty inside. Can she be saved?
Author note: Chapter 3
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Chapter 3
Her misery developed slowly. First there were her sleeping pills. Nothing unusual when faced insomnia or so she said to herself, but it wasn´t enough. Of course she would feel better after a good night’s sleep but waking up after a very deep but short sleep wasn´t helping. Cameron’s body couldn´t get enough sleep or so it seemed. Waking up very early and going to work became utter horror. Her body was screaming for release and more sleep. But when running a hospital, time is money, and she couldn´t neglect her work because it was the only thing left in her life. So she tortured herself; a few hours of deep sleep (or was it coma?), hard work the whole day long with just enough food to stay alive (not that she was ever hungry). Free weekends became history; who needs them when you don’t have a private life anyway?
But one day sleeping pills weren´t enough; she needed more - more strength, more concentration to fulfill her work and less tiredness. She struggled with herself and thought of ways to make herself feel better but nothing helped. Cameron tried Yoga Meditation and Pilates (and never felt more stupid), read books about Yin and Yang (at least she thought it was funny but helpful?) and even went to courses in Reiki and Thai Chi (she chose the last one because it reminded her of Chai Latte which was definitely better). Nothing helped her find her inner peace or gave her some kind of strength.
Then one night it was too much for Allison Cameron. She couldn´t take it anymore - the pain inside her heart, her self-doubts, the fears haunting her since her break up with Chase and the weakness of her body. She wanted to feel happy again, to become the strong, beautiful and confident person she was before Chase. Before she could think twice she found herself in her hospital again; alone in a room filled with various kinds of illegal drugs, all confiscated and waiting to be destroyed. She stopped thinking in that moment. Deep inside her heart she knew it was wrong (you don´t have to be a doctor to know that) but she really didn´t care. She searched the shelves and found what she needed - pure cocaine. That was the beginning of Allison Cameron’s drug career.
Finally life was great again for Allison Cameron. She was more successful than ever. Her good mood was infectious. Everywhere she went she caught everyone’s attention. The stressed and tired Cameron changed into a happy and successful strong, independent woman or so it seemed.
She still couldn´t get a good night’s sleep but she didn´t care anymore. Who needed sleep when you could solve the problem of tiredness with a small injection? She knew it wasn´t right and healthy but she didn´t think about it anymore. Everything just felt too good.
Cameron felt like she was flying but she was very careful not to fly too high (at least not at work). So she was finally content with herself and her work. Every doctor was impressed by this new Dr. Cameron and she was receiving compliments all day long.
"Dr. Cameron, you look wonderful today."
"Dr. Cameron. Congratulations on your success yesterday at the meeting; we´re so happy to have you here."
Dr. Cameron here, Dr. Cameron there... It felt like a dream. No one noticed the real Cameron behind all that, her tired eyes behind the dark make up, her unhealthy slim body under the designer clothes and the despair deep inside her heart coming out whenever the drugs stopped working.
"I can´t believe it! That bitch!"
A very angry Cuddy stormed into House’s office.
He was sitting behind his desk playing a new PSP game. Without even looking he replied in a bored tone, "Yeah, I know. She´s really a bitchy bitch."
"I mean look at her! She looks like a whore in this dress! That’s so low!" Cuddy raged waving a medical magazine through the air.
"You would know," came the whispered reply.
"What?"
"I said I know. That´s so low."
House was getting distressed. Why can´t she just leave? Damn I lost again! Thank you so much.
Just at the right moment, Wilson stormed inside. "House I... Oh sorry. I hope I haven´t interrupted anything," he said while looking between a bored House and a fuming and almost screaming Cuddy.
"No, Jimmy, don´t worry! We were just talking about Cuddy’s mom and her new whorish outfit. You know she´s such a -"
"HOUSE!" Cuddy was really screaming now. "Why can´t you just be serious for a minute? I was talking about Cameron not my mom! You´ve got clinic duty NOW and you are so not getting any tonight!" Storming outside, she threw the magazine away.
"Great, House! You pissed her off again. Why can´t you just keep your mouth shut for once?"
"Why should I? It´s so much fun to piss her off! Not really difficult but funny. But now I have to take a look at this hot outfit Cameron is wearing. You know, remembering the good old times and all."
With this he dismissed Wilson and took the magazine. He didn´t have to search long until he found what he wanted. There was an article about a donation for Cameron’s hospital. House didn´t even bother to read it. Who cared about the damn money when you could look at the picture?
It showed a wide smiling Cameron wearing an elegant red suit. He couldn´t take his eyes away. This was HIS Cameron; the one with long brown hair falling in curls over her shoulders and wearing a perfectly fitted suit. There was nothing whorish about it. She was even more beautiful than before and he just couldn´t look away. Did she ever smile at him like that? Probably not. He never gave her a reason to do so.
But then he looked into her eyes and knew immediately that something was wrong. He knew those wonderful blue-green eyes but they looked so different. They were not shining and they seemed dead. Then he took a look at her body. House had known her body by heart. In those three years not one day passed by without him considering her. There was a time he knew every curve and every visible birth mark. But today he didn´t recognized that body anymore. The curves almost disappeared and she was slimmer than ever although she tried hard to hide it from everyone.
Something was very wrong and he promised himself to find out what it was even if that meant escorting Cuddy to the stupid fundraiser just to meet Cameron again. Not that he was concerned or something. No, he just was curious or so he told himself. She was nothing but a puzzle.
